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Extinguishing the Flames: Women Rising Above the Emotional Dumpster Fire

Updated: Dec 5, 2023


In a world that constantly demands emotional labor, women often find themselves shouldering the responsibility of co-regulating the emotions of those around them. From family and children to societal expectations. Women navigate the intricate web of emotions, becoming the emotional dumpsters for everyone encounter.


So what is "emotional labor" and " co-regulation?"


Emotional labor : refers to the effort and energy individuals invest in managing and expressing their emotions, often in response to societal or workplace expectations. It involves the regulation of feelings to meet external requirements, even when those emotions may differ from one's authentic feelings. This can include managing emotions to create a positive customer service experience, navigating interpersonal relationships, or maintaining composure in professional settings. Sounds normal enough right?


Co-regulation: on the other hand, is a concept often applied in psychology and relationships. It refers to the mutual influence and support that individuals provide to each other in matching and managing their emotions. In the context of this discussion, co-regulation emphasizes the collaborative effort to navigate and balance emotional experiences. For women as emotional co-regulators, it means actively participating in the emotional regulation and management of those around them. Think about the interaction with your child who may be in distress, your ability to stay calm and respond, check for blood, ready to call an ambulance at the blink of an eye, only to discover the dog ate their snack and none is in fact dying. Or the customer who becomes irate and screams and yells; if you've ever worked retail or hospitality you know this all too well. If you're reading this from outside of a jail cell congratulations you have co-regulated that situation.


The Constant Juggling Act: Women are expected to seamlessly co-regulate emotions within their families, acting as emotional anchors for spouses, children, and even extended family members. Society often places the burden of maintaining harmony on women, leaving them little room to address their own emotional needs. This continuous juggling act can lead to emotional exhaustion, as the weight of others' emotions adds up. We become the emotional dumpster for everyone, and PSA the dumpster is on fire and has been for a LONG time.

Women frequently become emotional dumpsters, absorbing the stress, frustrations, and anxieties of those around them. Friends, family, and even colleagues may unload their emotional baggage onto women especially those women who are emotionally dialed in. Expecting them to provide solace and understanding. This phenomenon not only takes a toll on women's mental health but also perpetuates the idea that their emotions are secondary to those around them.


The Impact on Mental Health: The pressure to be the emotional backbone of a family or community can be crippling. Constantly co-regulating emotions can lead to heightened stress levels, anxiety, and burnout. Women may neglect their own emotional needs in the process, putting their mental well-being at risk. Seeking support from mental health professionals, and setting clear boundaries are essential steps toward maintaining a healthy emotional balance. Acknowledging personal limits and taking steps to preserve mental health doesn't diminish one's capacity to care. Recognizing and communicating (key word there) personal limits is a sign of self-respect and is essential for preventing burnout and maintaining a sustainable level of support for others. Establishing and enforcing boundaries is a powerful act of self-care that allows individuals to prioritize their mental health while still being present for those they care about.


Recognizing women as primary emotional co-regulators is the first crucial step in building an empathetic and balanced society. By challenging and empowering women to prioritize their emotional well-being, and actively participating in setting boundaries, we pave the way for environments where emotional labor is shared equitably. It's essential for individuals to be mindful when sharing with friends, taking a moment to ask, "Can I vent?" This creates a space for open communication and consent, in emotional exchanges. Additionally, fostering a culture of giving and receiving help contributes to the collective well-being, creating a support system that promotes healthier and happier individuals and communities.

Men can help by fostering open communication about emotions, actively sharing emotional responsibilities within relationships and families. By creating a more equitable distribution of emotional and practical burdens, men contribute to a healthier and more balanced emotional landscape.



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